WASHINGTON D.C. - Classroom drills preparing America's children for deadly attacks from Venezuelan boaters may be a thing of the past. Thanks to President Trump and the efforts of the $850 billion U.S. military – by far the largest in the world – Venezuelan fisherman are no longer a threat to the nation.
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced Tuesday that another round of deadly strikes has eliminated four more fishing boats off the coast of Central America, the latest triumphant victory in the intense military campaign against small boats in the Eastern Pacific.
This brings the total boaters killed by the U.S. military to 57, some of whom may have actually been criminals. According to Secretary Hegseth, "while some of the people in these boats were innocent fishermen unaware of the baggies of drugs hidden under the tackle box in the hull, there are many among the decimated who are probably drug smugglers aiming to get their tiny boats into the suburbs of America and infest our Christian nation with white devil powder."
Asked what is meant by white devil powder, Mr. Hegseth said, "I am referring to cocaine, which, while great for a night of karaoke at the local bar after a boring conference, is not so great for American families."
A U.S. military official, discussing operations on the condition of anonymity, said the operations involved seeing a boat appear on a screen and then, "pushing this red button". The experience is currently being pitched to television studios as a follow up to Band of Brothers.
Mexican search and rescue authorities continue to search for survivors, but the traditional Venezeulan fishing vessel is not meant to withstand the impact of a precision-guided 250 pound SDB (small diameter bomb) from a U.S. Air Force B-1 bomber, and no survivors are expected.
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