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David Sussin

David Sussin

Americans Finally Safe from Venezuelan Fisherman

Americans Finally Safe from Venezuelan Fisherman

WASHINGTON D.C. - Classroom drills preparing America's children for deadly attacks from Venezuelan boaters may be a thing of the past. Thanks to President Trump and the efforts of the $850 billion U.S. military – by far the largest in the world – Venezuelan fisherman are no longer

Epstein Files "Mistakenly" Stored in Demolished East Wing

Epstein Files "Mistakenly" Stored in Demolished East Wing

WASHINGTON D.C. - "Whoops," was President Trump's response when told all of the FBI's files related to alleged sex-trafficker Jeffrey Epstein were stored in the East Wing of the White House. The files are now completely lost as the entire wing was turned

Jesus Disappointed in No Kings Protests, May Delay Return

Jesus Disappointed in No Kings Protests, May Delay Return

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN - Jesus Christ is "saddened and disappointed" in this week's widespread protests against Kings, according to multiple sources who requested to remain anonymous fearing lifelong damnation in Hell. Christ had long been planning a return to Earth, where he would ditch the humility

ICE Cracks Down on Rise in House Cleaning

ICE Cracks Down on Rise in House Cleaning

CHICAGO, IL – Residents of Highland Park used to be afraid to visit their neighbors. All too often, the door would be answered by a stranger here from Central America carrying paper towels and a bottle of Windex. Said one home owner, "we're not stupid. We can see