Epstein Files Reveal Trump Had Book Club with Underaged Girls

WASHINGTON D.C. - We now know what Epstein was referring to when he said in a 2011 email that President Trump spent hours alone with one of Epstein's under-aged victims. And we know why Trump worked hard to keep the files secret.

In the Epstein files released today by the Department of Justice on orders from Congress, new evidence – including videos, photos, and emails – prove beyond a doubt that Trump maintained a secret book club whose only members were teenage girls trafficked by Epstein. Trump would assign the girls a book from the Western Canon of literature each month, and then weeks later, meet in Epstein's brownstone apartment in New York to discuss the themes of the assigned work.

The revelation has rocked Washington and, some analysts say, may ultimately bring down the Trump Presidency. "It's worse than we imagined," said House speaker Mike Johnson. "Our thoughts and prayers go out to the women forced into discussions of very difficult novels."

According to the files, starting in February of 1987 and lasting through the winter of 2002, Trump maintained the gathering of teenage girls, his "book club" as he called it. Based on emails, books read by the group included Don Quixote by Cervantes, The Divine Comedy by Alighieri, and, in the last meeting recorded, Homer's the Illiad – which runs a brutal 700 pages.

Dr. Lila Marenfeld, Professor of Comparitive Literature at Harvard, was appalled by Trump's secret book club. "The idea that this man thought it was okay to have these poor girls read Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra? That book is way too dense and darkly existential for someone so young."

“This kills him with the base," said Steven Bannon, former top aide to President Trump. "It's one thing if it's a comic book or, you know, porn. But he was into heavy shit. Hobbes and Plato. Turns out, Trump is one of those damn elites. It makes me sick."

The normally combative daily press conference at the White House was subdued and even emotional following the release of the files. Trump was locked away in the residence not ready to show his face in public, and Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt was visibly shaken by the undeniable evidence her boss was not who she thought.

"This is not a normal morning," said Leavitt, fighting to keep tears at bay. "Anyone seeing those awful videos, seeing him force fourteen year old girls to understand the stream-of-consciousness narration and modernist fragmentation of Mrs. Dalloway, well. This is not the man I supported so loyally for so long. The man I thought I worked for would never do that to someone. Certainly not someone not yet an adult, able to decide for themselves what to read. This is a dark day at the White House, and for the nation."

The release of the Epstein files frees the victims to finally speak about Trump's actions decades ago. Said one victim, who was lured into Trump's book club and forced to analyze T. S. Eliot's poem “The Waste Land”, "getting the truth out helps us move on from that disgusting nightmare."

Asked how she could let herself be drawn into such a club, the victim said, "you have to understand, Trump seemed like a typical sleazy old dude who danced around biting his upper lip. We thought he was just out to have fun. If we'd known we'd be forced to discuss Eliot's attempts at redemption amid the cultural crisis of World War I, well, I never would have set foot in that hellish brownstone."

Trump did post a brief statement on his Truth Social platform, saying simply, "now you know what I've been hiding. I was younger then, and yes, I read books. I swear I have not read a book since."