Ukraine Proposes Groundbreaking Idea for "One-Point" Peace Plan: "Stop Invading Us"

PALM BEACH, FL - After years of complex negotiations to end the war between Russia and Ukraine, President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine made a suggestion that is gaining traction: "Stop invading our country." The ground-breaking idea came as the Ukraine delegation met with President Trump to revise a 20-point peace plan that remained a long shot for succeeding, with Russia's President Vladimir V. Putin rejecting many of the points as currently stated. The new idea, which Zelensky is calling "my one-point peace plan", is gaining traction with U.S. and European officials. According to Mr. Trump, "it makes a lot of sense. You know, if Putin stops bombing, that wraps things up pretty quick."

Russia's unprovoked military invasion of Ukraine began in February of 2022 with an estimated 190,000 troops and 3,000 tanks. Over the next nearly four years, what some thought might be a quick victory has settled into a deadly, tragic quagmire. At best, Russia has captured 12% more of Ukrainian territory at the expense of 350,000 Russian soldiers dead, and even more injured. Yet the thought of simply calling off the invasion had not occurred to Putin, whose aids promised the one-point-plan will be "thoroughly considered before we ignore it and bomb Kyiv more."

The Ukraine negotiating team met with the U.S. delegation in the opulent Mar-a-Lago dining room, which featured freshly installed listening devices providing Moscow with a live feed of the conversations. The existence of the devices was denied by Secretary of State Marco Rubio, who said in a loud voice, "President Putin can not hear any of this, I promise you. And for the record, I think Mr. Putin is an attractive and well-build man physically. Also, this is Marco Rubio speaking. R-u-b-i-o."

Also at the negotiating table for the U.S. was Mr. Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, who is not a member of the administration. When asked his role, Mr. Kushner said, "when they get to the part where Crimea is turned into a yacht club, I'll chime in."

Ursula von der Leyen, the president of the European Commission, called the proceedings, "really great, in terms of progress between Ukraine and our US partners. It would have been nice to have the folks with the tanks and bombs there, too, but you can't have everything."

Mr. Trump was willing to give Putin the entire Donetsk region as part of the peace deal, which Russia does not even occupy. Trump was also ready to turn over the significant Zaporizhzhia nuclear power plant in southern Ukraine to Putin, which – being the largest nuclear plant in Europe – would endanger the global energy markets and the safety of the 744 million people living on the continent. The reason for the goodwill toward Russia's demands? Said Mr. Trump, "we all know the name Zapporizhzhia is a stupid name for a nuclear power plant. Who can even pronounce it? It has the 'zh' thing twice in a row. So we're giving it a new name: The Trump Plant. It will be the hottest nuclear site on the planet – in terms of value. Not, like, hot as in radiation that melts your skin. The good hot."